News Roundup

I suppose you’re here to read the latest Chelsea news and transfer gossip. You could have been anywhere else on the Internet but you’re here. I could say I appreciate that, but I’m not sure you would stay here for long enough to get to that line. Instead, let’s have a look at what the Gods of gossip have in store for our regular readers today (Hi Mom!).

We’ll start with the same rehashed rumour about the manager situation at Chelsea, because no news is no longer good news. After being subjected to the longest 48 hours in history, starting exactly one month ago, we seem to be no closer to zeroing in on a manager, or letting go of the old one. But in the past few hours, sources more reliable than Sarri’s agent’s cousin’s uncle’s son who works at an Italian newspaper, have seemingly confirmed that Sarri’s agent is actually in London. Considering that most of England is in Russia to cheer on their team – or make their life miserable, as the situation demands – he seems to be here on serious business. That business is negotiating on behalf of his client so that he can take over at Chelsea “in the next 48 hours”. I could tell you to expect an announcement this week, but I’m pretty sure you’re as bored of this entire escapade as I am.

Still, once Sarri is announced with an ingenious #SarriIsBlue hashtag on social media, causing confusion amongst a few million Indian women about the colour of their outfit, Chelsea’s transfer business will begin imminently. Our first order of business will be to tag Robert Lewandowski and Jean-Michael Seri in the Sarri announcement tweet. That would let them know that the managerial situation is sorted and they can now dot the I’s and cross the T’s on the contracts that they agreed to quite some time ago. That’s what we’ve been led to believe by the rumour-mongers, so we better have some signings lined up.

In news about outgoing payers, Marco Van Ginkel’s time is up at Chelsea. PSV want to sign him for good and they would also like to take Mason Mount on loan, thank you very much. MVG never really got a proper chance at Chelsea and although I would like the club to give him one season to stake his claim, it is understandable why he would not want to take a chance at this stage of his career. So, it’s goodbye MVG, we hardly knew ye. To soften the blow (and to fund this purchase), PSV might look to offload one Hirving Lozano, the curse of Germany. If that happens, Chelsea should barge their way to the front of the queue, Van Ginkel in tow, and demand an exchange or a fair price at the very least.

Also, Davide Zappacosta’s agent has been rather chatty over the past few weeks. He was last spotted chatting about his client with Inter, although he was at pains to clarify that it was just a chat, nothing more. Perhaps something to keep an eye on, considering Zappacosta’s performances were largely forgettable last season and with Conte on the brink, time might be up for Zappacosta as well. In yet more positive news, once Sarri is appointed he will begin replicating his Napoli team by bringing in Dries Mertens to play on the right of his front three. Yes, that’s 31 year old Dries Mertens. Sarri trying to convince the Chelsea board to buy him should be fun.

And that’s it for this week. We’ll be back with more news next week, when Chelsea will have appointed Maurizio Sarri as the manager. Ha!