News Roundup

It’s that time of the week again, when we ask you to grab a tub of salt and consume liberally while reading through the Chelsea transfer news and rumours that we bring you.

Unlike last week, we do have some hot off the press stuff concerning Chelsea’s search for a new manager. After PSG appointed Thomas Tuchel as their new gaffer and Italy rang up Roberto Mancini to lead their new generation, options are running out for both Chelsea and Antonio Conte. Meanwhile, one of Chelsea’s managerial targets, Maurizio Sarri, might have just jumped to the front of the queue. Sarri supposedly has a long list of grievances which he intends to discuss with the Napoli president, Aurelio De Laurentiis. One of those gripes is related to Napoli’s transfer dealings which, according to Sarri, are not good enough to win the Serie A. He’s in for the shock of his life when he signs for Chelsea and sees Danny Drinkwater on his first day of training.

Let’s indulge this nonsense a little further. Apparently Sarri will be giving an ultimatum to El Presidente, leading to him getting the boot or throwing in the towel. If neither of those things happen, Chelsea can still snap up Sarri for a cut-price €8 million, which is the cost of his freedom until the 31st of May. Add to that the amount Chelsea will have to pay to Conte if they sack him and you could buy half a Drinkwater with that. Or you could build a pile of that cash and set fire to it. Same thing, really.

Moving on from Sarri to Seri, Chelsea are reportedly leading the chase for the nice midfielder. Or should that be Nice midfielder? Either way, the much sought-after Ivorian also prefers a move to Chelsea, a club with no Champions League and who have no idea who their manager will be next season. If you believe that, I can offer you a great deal on this pouch of magic beans that I have here.

And speaking of deals, Eden Hazard has been umming and ahhing over signing a new one with Chelsea. One of the widely accepted theories is that Hazard is waiting for Real Madrid to come in and make Chelsea an offer they can’t refuse. But put that theory away for a minute, because we now have word straight from the horse’s mouth. Eden Hazard wants to see who Chelsea buy before deciding to say goodbye. Having seen superstars such as Ross Barkley (injured), Danny Drinkwater (injured), Alvaro Morata (out of form, injured) and Willy Caballero (too bald) being brought in to weaken the team last summer, Hazard is keen to avoid a similar scenario next season. Aren’t we all?

So that’s about it for today. The transfer window officially opens on the 17th of May, so the rumour mill should start churning out new stories by the hour very soon. Chelsea have a good opportunity to start wrapping up deals early instead of putting things off for the last minute, like every other season.

But we won’t. Because that’s not fun at all.